i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
