Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
