the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
