Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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