She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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