You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
