But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
