I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
