I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
