I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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