I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
