I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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