She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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