is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
