I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
