I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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