The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
