so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
