I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
