maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
