What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
