It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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