Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
