if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
