Your tits are I can't wait for
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
pray to the hookup gods
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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