Dude my mom stole all your condoms
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
