I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
