before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
