Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
