Jerry, you need to find god
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
