Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We left the knife in your bed.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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