i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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