If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
we made out on top of his cat.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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