You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
