i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
