don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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