New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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