he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
