She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
