I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
