God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
