I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
