I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
