Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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