I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
