One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
