Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Randomize
