I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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