yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
