If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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