so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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