YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
