What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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