Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
