i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
