oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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