Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
